1
00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:09,270
How's your bottom seat?

2
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:13,340
The swelling's gone down, but I've still
got to sit on one cheek.

3
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,810
what a wasp was doing in the wardrobe at
this time of year.

4
00:01:19,050 --> 00:01:20,920
I do. He was having a kip in my
trousers.

5
00:01:22,090 --> 00:01:24,010
Well, you must have provoked him.

6
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:29,429
I simply put my left leg down one side,
the right leg down the other, pulled up

7
00:01:29,430 --> 00:01:34,810
the zip, and... Why don't you go out for
a nice long walk or something?

8
00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:36,210
Blow the cobwebs away.

9
00:01:36,410 --> 00:01:37,670
I haven't got any cobwebs.

10
00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:40,290
You will have if you sit there much
longer.

11
00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:43,130
There she is, Moby Dick.

12
00:01:44,901 --> 00:01:46,629
the zoo.

13
00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:51,009
Oh, that'll be nice, Betty. We used to
go there when we were courting. We often

14
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:53,689
used to sit on the grass and share a
packet of monkey nuts.

15
00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:56,400
I'm very sorry, but we've run clean out
of monkey nuts.

16
00:01:56,810 --> 00:01:58,610
We could sell you a couple of bananas.

17
00:01:59,130 --> 00:02:01,910
See, we were thinking of taking
sandwiches.

18
00:02:02,870 --> 00:02:04,870
Bread. But we've run out of bread.

19
00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:06,530
Oh, we've got plenty.

20
00:02:06,890 --> 00:02:07,940
Don't worry.

21
00:02:08,449 --> 00:02:12,609
I didn't know Trevor was keen on
animals. Oh, yes, he used to keep a pet

22
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:13,660
before he married me.

23
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:18,890
That was a fair swap.

24
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:21,520
Pardon? Nothing, nothing.

25
00:02:21,521 --> 00:02:25,579
Trevor was telling me that some people
get so keen on their pets that when they

26
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,960
die, they have them stuffed.

27
00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:29,230
That's what my family's going to do with
me.

28
00:02:29,380 --> 00:02:32,510
Well, the way you move about, nobody'd
notice the difference.

29
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,980
Well, I must be off.

30
00:02:34,981 --> 00:02:35,999
Must you?

31
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,780
Well, if there is a spare cup going...
No, no, don't keep the monkeys waiting.

32
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:46,070
Isn't it romantic?

33
00:02:46,071 --> 00:02:48,349
What, you and me alone in the kitchen?

34
00:02:48,350 --> 00:02:49,400
No.

35
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,940
Betty and Trevor revisiting the place
they did their courting.

36
00:02:52,941 --> 00:02:56,229
What is romantic about the two of them
standing there chewing nuts in front of

37
00:02:56,230 --> 00:02:58,329
cage full of monkeys all scratching each
other?

38
00:02:58,330 --> 00:02:59,870
You have no heart.

39
00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:03,720
Morning. Morning, dear. Would you like a
cup of tea?

40
00:03:03,870 --> 00:03:04,920
Yes, please, Mummy.

41
00:03:04,921 --> 00:03:08,809
I thought I'd take Betty's baby out for
a walk. Oh, she just popped in. They've

42
00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:09,709
all gone to the zoo.

43
00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:12,429
Yep. They're going to stand there eating
monkey nut sandwiches in front of their

44
00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:13,480
relations.

45
00:03:14,270 --> 00:03:15,710
That is not coming.

46
00:03:16,170 --> 00:03:19,420
You're dead right. Just imagine how
those poor monkeys must feel.

47
00:03:20,090 --> 00:03:21,770
Oh, answer that, would you, dear?

48
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:22,940
Answer what?

49
00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:24,260
The telephone.

50
00:03:25,610 --> 00:03:27,050
It's probably a wrong number.

51
00:03:27,710 --> 00:03:30,950
You'll never know unless you pick it up.
All right, all right.

52
00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:32,560
Oh, no.

53
00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:36,440
He's not very energetic this morning, is
he?

54
00:03:36,770 --> 00:03:38,970
If he gets much slower, he'll take root.

55
00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:42,290
Well, he's managed to lift the phone.

56
00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,690
So long as it doesn't sprain his wrist.

57
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:46,530
Wrong number.

58
00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:50,760
I got the post here. No gas.

59
00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:52,819
That's yours.

60
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:53,870
Thank you.

61
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,840
Electricity bill. That's yours.

62
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,050
Thank you.

63
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:58,380
Hello. What's this?

64
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,720
Gluckstein and O 'Reilly.

65
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,330
Solicitors.

66
00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:07,590
Yes, sir.

67
00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:13,680
Please call round at this office at your
earliest convenience.

68
00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:16,520
How about that?

69
00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:17,920
How about what?

70
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,390
Old Uncle Percy snuffed it.

71
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,430
Old Uncle Percy?

72
00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:24,690
My Uncle Percy. My dad's eldest brother.

73
00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:26,000
Oh, that is old.

74
00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:30,229
Is that the Uncle Percy who was so tight
with money? That's it. Sent us a tin

75
00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:32,090
toast rack for when we got married.

76
00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:37,249
With Cardoma Cafe stamped on it. That's
it, yeah. And two pieces of toast still

77
00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:38,300
stuck in it.

78
00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:40,830
He left you some money, then?

79
00:04:40,831 --> 00:04:43,929
Well, that's all right. He never spent
any. He must have left it to someone.

80
00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:45,339
How much do you think it'll be?

81
00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:48,710
Well, I don't know, but every little bit
helps. Good old Uncle Purse.

82
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,870
Well, Blimey, they wouldn't want any
long faces.

83
00:04:51,871 --> 00:04:53,919
He had a lovely sense of humour, the old
boy.

84
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:54,970
What was he like?

85
00:04:55,160 --> 00:05:02,100
Well, he had a wooden leg and a parrot,
and he used to write poetry.

86
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,440
And he was mad about Treasure Island.

87
00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:06,540
He must have read it to me 48 times.

88
00:05:06,541 --> 00:05:11,099
He used to walk around dressed like Long
John Silver, even had his picture taken

89
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:14,590
like that as a Christmas card, and sent
it to everybody for Christmas.

90
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,090
He sounds nice.

91
00:05:16,340 --> 00:05:17,390
He was potty.

92
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:19,500
How did he die?

93
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,320
He was here after an accident.

94
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,699
I hope it wasn't his usual accident.

95
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:24,750
What was that?

96
00:05:24,751 --> 00:05:27,399
Well, as soon as he'd had a few, he'd
start staggering about, slipping off his

97
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,450
wooden legs.

98
00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:30,680
How old was he?

99
00:05:30,681 --> 00:05:32,279
Ninety -three.

100
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,880
Oh, well, he had a good run.

101
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,100
Yeah. Mind you, he knew what it was to
suffer.

102
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,980
Poor old man. Yeah, he had woodworm
twice.

103
00:05:43,541 --> 00:05:45,409
Uncle Percy.

104
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:48,660
So, while you're out, get some lovely
flowers, will you, Donna?

105
00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:49,820
For the funeral?

106
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,590
No, no, for your mother. She's upset.

107
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:56,610
So what happened then?

108
00:05:57,010 --> 00:06:00,320
Well, that's about it. He phoned the
solicitor and then dashed out.

109
00:06:00,321 --> 00:06:04,629
Would you like a snack while we're
waiting for your father? Please, Mummy.

110
00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:07,880
yes, I'd quite like some caviar on toast
and a glass of champagne.

111
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:11,170
Right, that's two teas and a couple of
cheese sandwiches.

112
00:06:11,490 --> 00:06:12,540
Thanks a lot.

113
00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:15,440
Mike! Yeah? Give me a hand with the
ladder.

114
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:17,140
What? The ladder.

115
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,720
The ladder to get up into the attic.

116
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,570
Well, why do you want to get up into the
attic?

117
00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:26,999
You remember I told you about Uncle
Percy and Treasure Island? Yes. And that

118
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,590
Christmas card of him dressed as Long
John Silver?

119
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,070
It's all in the will, and I've got a
copy here.

120
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:34,570
Here we go.

121
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,590
Although I had a wooden leg, it never
stopped me pleasures.

122
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,060
They used to call me Long John Silver.

123
00:06:42,061 --> 00:06:44,699
And I've had some little treasures.

124
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:48,339
And now that I am at the end of the
plank that they call life, one thing I'm

125
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:50,390
bloody pleased about, I never had a
wife.

126
00:06:50,991 --> 00:06:53,079
That's poetry?

127
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,740
Yeah, Percy wasn't so mad after all, was
he?

128
00:06:55,741 --> 00:06:59,099
Well, I told you I had a great sense of
humour, didn't I? That's not all,

129
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,039
listen.

130
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:04,959
And now I feel the end is near, see how
my candle flickers, but I don't give a

131
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,360
monkey's nut, I shout farewell and
knickers.

132
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:13,220
Yes. After that, his writing gets a bit
blurred.

133
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,750
Just as well.

134
00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:15,559
Now, hang on.

135
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,820
This is the important bit.

136
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:22,600
Therefore, having no other relatives, if
my favourite nephew, Sidney Abbott,

137
00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:27,699
produces the aforesaid photograph of
meself, then for such an act of faith,

138
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:29,160
shall be amply rewarded.

139
00:07:29,161 --> 00:07:30,399
Oh, see!

140
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:34,359
Come on, come on, come on. Yeah, see
that? And that photograph is up in my

141
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,040
album in the attic. Are you sure?

142
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,639
One hundred percent. Come on, Martin.
Oh! Right.

143
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:39,690
Come on, up here.

144
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,110
How did he die then?

145
00:07:47,111 --> 00:07:51,169
Well, he was hopping after a bus. The
bus stopped suddenly and he went smack

146
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,220
into the back of it.

147
00:07:52,990 --> 00:07:56,210
And he was only going three stops.

148
00:07:58,270 --> 00:08:01,460
You certainly have collected a load of
old rubbish in your time.

149
00:08:02,490 --> 00:08:05,770
This is not a load of old rubbish. This
is part of our heritage.

150
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,850
One day all this will be yours.

151
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,750
I can't wait.

152
00:08:18,510 --> 00:08:19,560
That's it.

153
00:08:19,641 --> 00:08:21,589
There we are.

154
00:08:21,590 --> 00:08:22,640
Sidney Abbott.

155
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:26,230
Sidney Abbott, Class 4, Scrags Road,
Modern.

156
00:08:27,110 --> 00:08:29,400
I thought you said you went to grammar
school.

157
00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:31,790
I said I almost went to grammar school.

158
00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:34,829
Well, you wouldn't have got there on
your spelling.

159
00:08:34,830 --> 00:08:35,629
Why not? What do you mean?

160
00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:36,929
There's no K in school.

161
00:08:37,370 --> 00:08:39,570
Oh, no, no, no. That's speed writing.

162
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,100
It's all right. It's all right.

163
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,360
It's just a knobbly knees contest.

164
00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:53,400
Hang on a minute. Let me get this.

165
00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:54,870
Hold that.

166
00:08:55,820 --> 00:08:57,680
Oh, Steve, look.

167
00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,690
Look.

168
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,600
There's a picture of you in your shirt.

169
00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:05,000
Yeah, I just finished the high jump.

170
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,820
You don't look very pleased about it.
No, well, I only got one leg over.

171
00:09:11,620 --> 00:09:12,670
That's my dad.

172
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,100
It's not funny. It was very painful.

173
00:09:17,359 --> 00:09:20,429
Now, I suppose it's got to be in there
somewhere. Wait a minute.

174
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,110
Hang on.

175
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,370
It's missing.

176
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:26,560
How can it be missing?

177
00:09:26,561 --> 00:09:29,619
What do you mean it's missing? It's
missing. That's where it should be.

178
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:30,670
There.

179
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,359
Where did you pick it up? Over here.
Well, it must have fallen out while you

180
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,679
were looking for it. Come on, now. Hold
that, darling, will you?

181
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,099
Why, will you put your feet... Are you
sure you found it round here? I'm

182
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,760
positive, Daddy. It was right next to
this conker.

183
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,750
God, blimey.

184
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:47,750
That's Billy Baxter's conker.

185
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,890
Well, I'm sure he won't miss it after
all these years.

186
00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:54,210
No, no, no, you don't understand.

187
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,670
That's what happened to the photograph.

188
00:09:56,671 --> 00:09:58,829
Well, what's it got to do with Billy
Baxter?

189
00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:02,529
Well, he was also raving mad about
Treasure Island, so I swapped Uncle

190
00:10:02,530 --> 00:10:04,130
his conker. Where does he live?

191
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,270
That was over 40 years ago.

192
00:10:06,750 --> 00:10:11,330
If you put your mind to it, I'm sure you
can find him. I know where to find him.

193
00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:13,570
Where? Plot 37, Wandsworth Cemetery.

194
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:23,579
Well, look, can't you explain to the
solicitor that you swapped it, but you

195
00:10:23,580 --> 00:10:26,110
very young at the time and you'll never
do it again.

196
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:28,670
Don't go on.

197
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:32,299
I'm sorry, sir. I mean, I'm only trying
to help. I know you are, but there's

198
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:33,350
nothing we can do.

199
00:10:38,660 --> 00:10:40,260
Hang on. I've got it. What?

200
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:44,980
Well, you borrow my camera. Yeah. You
take a photograph of nothing. Yeah.

201
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,920
Whistle it round to the solicitor.

202
00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:49,640
And you tell him your uncle was on it,
but it's fading.

203
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:56,489
I suppose you

204
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:59,140
haven't got any other uncles who dress
up, have you?

205
00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:00,840
God forbid.

206
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:05,010
Well, hang on. Yeah?

207
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,620
There's a fella at work. He dresses up.
Does he?

208
00:11:07,621 --> 00:11:08,869
Yeah, but he's different.

209
00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:09,920
Oh, but he is.

210
00:11:09,921 --> 00:11:12,649
No, no, I mean he's in the amateur
dramatics.

211
00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:13,850
How very uninteresting.

212
00:11:13,851 --> 00:11:17,399
But he could help you, Sid. I mean, he's
always doing a Pirates of Penzance.

213
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:21,310
I mean, God blimey, he does them Witson
and Easter and Christmas. Wait a minute.

214
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,280
Pirates of Penzance?

215
00:11:23,281 --> 00:11:26,499
Yeah. I mean, when you've seen one
pirate, you've seen them all, haven't

216
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,520
I love you.

217
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:34,920
Sid, there are times where you, without
any sense at all, without even thinking,

218
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:36,980
quite unconsciously, you make sense.

219
00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,690
What have I said? Nothing. Bring it up,
quick.

220
00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:42,270
Come on.

221
00:12:01,260 --> 00:12:02,880
No, sweetheart, that's naughty.

222
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:07,820
No, no, stop nibbling at my ear.

223
00:12:07,821 --> 00:12:12,779
All right, now, don't think. You just
sit still while your uncle Sidney hangs

224
00:12:12,780 --> 00:12:13,830
his trousers.

225
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,190
And if you're good, you get a lovely
surprise.

226
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,920
No, I'll never do it.

227
00:12:20,921 --> 00:12:24,559
Perhaps it's because I'm here watching,
Sidney. Could be. It's always the first

228
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,339
time. All right, I'll tell you what,
Sidney. We'll have a go with you sitting

229
00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:27,959
the chair.

230
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,760
No, I don't think it'll work, Sidney.

231
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,500
I mean, I tried it with Betty once.

232
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:32,780
It was a funny angle.

233
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:36,340
Just lean back.

234
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:38,360
Don't breathe so heavy.

235
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:40,700
Not you, darling. No, Trevor.

236
00:12:40,701 --> 00:12:43,779
All right, now, let's get it over. Come
on, Jean, I'll go really mad if she

237
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:45,950
finds I've got a bird up here in the
bedroom.

238
00:12:52,740 --> 00:12:56,220
Well, I think it's dishonest dressing up
as a pirate.

239
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,390
Well, what's dishonest about it? It's
only a photograph.

240
00:12:59,391 --> 00:13:02,679
It's very good of Daddy to go to all
that trouble.

241
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:06,160
After all, he is thinking of us. Well, I
hope Uncle Percy thinks so.

242
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,290
Here he is.

243
00:13:08,291 --> 00:13:09,799
It worked!

244
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,880
Well done, Daddy!

245
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,390
This silly old lady didn't even notice
it was her wrong leg.

246
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:20,120
Sid, how much will we get? Hang on, hang
on. Are we very rich?

247
00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:21,390
Well, it depends.

248
00:13:21,391 --> 00:13:24,799
He didn't actually leave us any cash,
but he left us these most treasured

249
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,779
possessions.

250
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:27,340
Two dozen tin toast racks.

251
00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:29,760
Could be anything. Gold, silver.

252
00:13:29,761 --> 00:13:31,219
Oil paintings.

253
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:32,270
Listen to this.

254
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:38,699
And to my favourite nephew, Sidney
Abbott, the contents of the two large

255
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:41,300
cases and a small parcel.

256
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,600
That can't be bad, can it?

257
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:45,900
That's him. That must be that.

258
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,490
Morning.

259
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,410
Morning, Mr Abbott. That's it. Sign
here, please.

260
00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:58,400
One large packing case.

261
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,350
Small bucket case.

262
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,860
One small parcel.

263
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,690
Hang on, mate.

264
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,030
Here we are.

265
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:08,970
A pilot.

266
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,150
For you.

267
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:11,930
Thank you very much.

268
00:14:11,931 --> 00:14:14,819
Pleasure. Bloomin' heavy, they are and
all. They're heavy?

269
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:18,080
The kangaroo ain't bad, but the monkey's
murder!

270
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,390
Aren't you getting tired of holding that
bloody tree up?

271
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,890
It's no good you begging, mate. You're
getting nothing.

272
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,540
Sid, I still can't believe it.

273
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:20,900
You can't believe it?

274
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,440
Come and have another look.

275
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,210
Why couldn't you leave them in the cases
and put them in the garage?

276
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:28,900
Because of the pirate's curse.

277
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:30,840
What pirate's curse?

278
00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,190
The one that was round a kangaroo's
neck.

279
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,830
would he want to put a curse on them? In
case they fall into the wrong hands.

280
00:15:37,831 --> 00:15:41,839
Well, I think the whole thing's silly.
Silly or not, I'm not going against this

281
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,720
curse. I'll read it to you again.

282
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,100
Now, you listen to this.

283
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:51,719
If these my pets are stored away and end
up with their mice, the perpetrator of

284
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,500
this deed will pay a dreadful price.

285
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:59,439
Not only will his hair fall out and all
his teeth go black, his knees are

286
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,910
knocked together and he'll find he's
lost a neck.

287
00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:10,770
that to happen to me. Thank you very
much.

288
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:15,600
A monkey, a kangaroo and a pigeon.

289
00:16:15,860 --> 00:16:17,500
It's not my fault, is it?

290
00:16:18,380 --> 00:16:21,390
What happened to all the gold coins you
were talking about?

291
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:24,030
Well, he probably spent all his money on
some bird.

292
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:25,360
He was 93.

293
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:29,490
He could hop after a bus. He must have
had some energy.

294
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,460
Well, I know one thing.

295
00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:42,610
Willie's. I keep thinking he's going to
jump on me.

296
00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:45,860
How can he jump on you? He's been
stopped.

297
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:50,920
Well, close the door and then he can't
see me. Oh, God.

298
00:16:50,921 --> 00:16:56,279
I'm doing my best to get rid of the
blubbing things. I've looked through

299
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,800
times. Well, you're not being very
successful, are you?

300
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,760
Hang on, hang on. Wait a minute.

301
00:17:01,761 --> 00:17:04,739
There's a fellow here who wants a 22
-foot crocodile.

302
00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:06,120
They must be getting warmer.

303
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:08,480
And how is the great white hunter?

304
00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:13,200
Well, I don't know why we don't start
our own zoo.

305
00:17:13,390 --> 00:17:14,670
I did, with you.

306
00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:19,619
What's that?

307
00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:23,730
Look what Cedric's done.

308
00:17:24,089 --> 00:17:25,139
Oh, Cedric.

309
00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:28,130
You dirty boy, come here.

310
00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:30,930
Come on, get on there.

311
00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:34,860
Keep away from Betty and her bleeding
relations.

312
00:17:34,861 --> 00:17:38,109
How long are they going to be here? I've
already told your mother I'm doing my

313
00:17:38,110 --> 00:17:39,910
best to get rid of the blooming thing.

314
00:17:39,911 --> 00:17:43,499
I don't mind keeping the pigeons because
they've got a pretty face.

315
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,040
And my father used to keep them.

316
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,380
Yes, a lot of people keep pigeons.

317
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:49,890
I know, but how many people keep
monkeys?

318
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,170
Say!

319
00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:55,110
Trevor.

320
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:57,970
Trevor.

321
00:17:58,180 --> 00:17:59,230
Come in.

322
00:17:59,231 --> 00:18:01,959
Trevor and Betty, they're always going
to the zoo.

323
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,310
Say! You mean we could... That's it,
that's it. Shh.

324
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:05,590
Yes, Trevor.

325
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,370
Come in, son.

326
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:09,540
Oh, don't you look well.

327
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,050
Nice to see you, sir.

328
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,450
Is he? Yes, nice to see him, isn't he?
Always.

329
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:14,900
Oh, yes, Trevor, always.

330
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,340
Sit down, have a drink.

331
00:18:16,341 --> 00:18:18,499
No, thanks, Sid. It's a bit early for
me.

332
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:20,490
Well, of course it's a bit early for
him.

333
00:18:20,780 --> 00:18:22,520
Would you like a cup of tea, Trevor?

334
00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:26,119
Oh, yeah, I'd like a cup of tea. Well,
sit down and I'll make you one. Yeah,

335
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,170
make yourself comfy.

336
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:28,810
Yeah.

337
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:34,359
Well, I'm sorry to hear about your
disappointment, Sid. Yeah, well, that's

338
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,339
right.

339
00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:37,640
Yeah, you're fond of animals, aren't
you?

340
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:39,030
Yeah, that's right.

341
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:41,650
Yeah, your lovely wife was round here
yesterday.

342
00:18:42,380 --> 00:18:44,820
Told us that you used to have a pet
monkey.

343
00:18:44,821 --> 00:18:46,159
Yeah.

344
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,259
Oh, he was a lovely little fella. Yes?
Yeah, he used to chase all round the

345
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:49,979
house. Go on.

346
00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:53,170
Yeah, sometimes it used to take me a
couple of hours to catch him.

347
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,440
How do you fancy one that stands still?

348
00:18:58,460 --> 00:18:59,540
You mean him? Yeah, me.

349
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,960
Yeah, well, I would say, but I've got
Betty now.

350
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,550
Well, there's no answer to that, is
there?

351
00:19:09,551 --> 00:19:13,379
I wish I could help you out, Sid, but
we'll have to think of something else.

352
00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:14,580
Yeah, we will, won't we?

353
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:21,940
How are we doing, Sid?

354
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:23,650
We're not.

355
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:26,860
Why don't you try swapping?

356
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,200
Don't talk to me about swapping.

357
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,240
I used to do that at school.

358
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,580
I never backed a winner.

359
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,720
I once swapped a...

360
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:36,630
Jar of tadpoles for a kiss.

361
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:39,490
It was shocking.

362
00:19:40,290 --> 00:19:41,650
Wish I'd kept the tadpoles.

363
00:19:44,970 --> 00:19:46,020
Listen, Steve.

364
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:50,229
Why don't you put them both back in the
box and stick them in the back garden

365
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:52,650
with a little sign saying, please take
one.

366
00:19:53,170 --> 00:19:55,820
No, no, no. People think they're
catching it, you see.

367
00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:59,380
People only take things when you don't
want them to take them.

368
00:20:00,890 --> 00:20:01,940
I've got it.

369
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:06,569
What? We'll put them in the garden like
you said, stick a bloody great sign on

370
00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:08,590
them saying, please do not take away.

371
00:20:09,570 --> 00:20:10,670
Not take away?

372
00:20:10,930 --> 00:20:12,370
And somebody will whoop them.

373
00:20:16,730 --> 00:20:21,810
Wait a minute.

374
00:20:22,030 --> 00:20:25,130
What about your Uncle Percy's curse?

375
00:20:25,530 --> 00:20:26,580
Well, that's just it.

376
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,420
Wherever the animals go, the curse goes
with them.

377
00:20:29,650 --> 00:20:33,810
So if we ever see a fellow walking
around... with no air and black

378
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:35,310
we'll know who's got them.

379
00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:37,420
Well,

380
00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:40,870
I hope they're having plenty of bright
ideas.

381
00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:43,010
Trevor's not very good at thinking.

382
00:20:43,430 --> 00:20:45,830
After about five minutes, his mind goes.

383
00:20:48,350 --> 00:20:49,400
Jane!

384
00:20:50,230 --> 00:20:51,330
They're home early.

385
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:55,040
Either they've put the clocks on or
they've been thrown out of the pub.

386
00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:57,530
Our problem is over.

387
00:20:58,210 --> 00:21:00,730
You found someone to buy them? Not
exactly, no.

388
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:04,910
Well, what are you going to do with
them? Never mind. Just leave it to us.

389
00:21:06,091 --> 00:21:08,159
Now then.

390
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,460
You take the little one.

391
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:12,760
And I'll take Roll Parrot.

392
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,140
Now, mind what you do.

393
00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:18,590
Oh,

394
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,330
there we are.

395
00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:22,870
Come on.

396
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:27,930
Hello, Sid.

397
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:29,050
What you got there?

398
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,330
The missus.

399
00:21:32,510 --> 00:21:33,830
Kangaroo and a monkey.

400
00:21:35,850 --> 00:21:36,900
I only ask.

401
00:21:39,170 --> 00:21:40,220
Quick.

402
00:21:44,630 --> 00:21:46,710
Oh, very lovely scene.

403
00:21:46,970 --> 00:21:48,030
You like it? Yeah.

404
00:21:48,031 --> 00:21:49,609
Come on.

405
00:21:49,610 --> 00:21:51,570
Have you seen your father?

406
00:21:51,571 --> 00:21:55,509
Yes, that's why we came in the back way.
I was going to offer my help, but they

407
00:21:55,510 --> 00:21:56,890
seem to be doing rather well.

408
00:21:57,981 --> 00:22:00,009
Look, Simon.

409
00:22:00,010 --> 00:22:01,510
I wouldn't do that again, see?

410
00:22:01,710 --> 00:22:02,760
No, neither me.

411
00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:03,870
What's going on?

412
00:22:03,871 --> 00:22:05,369
Nothing, nothing, nothing.

413
00:22:05,370 --> 00:22:08,729
Now, if you should wake up in the middle
of the night and hear funny noises in

414
00:22:08,730 --> 00:22:10,840
the garden, just keep your noses out of
it.

415
00:22:42,220 --> 00:22:43,600
and the monkey. They're gone.

416
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:46,740
You mean somebody stole them during the
night? Yes.

417
00:22:47,180 --> 00:22:48,680
Well, you must ring the police.

418
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,620
No, we don't want to bring them into it.

419
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:52,610
What's going on?

420
00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,930
Somebody stole the kangaroo and the
monkey.

421
00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,170
So it worked?

422
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:57,440
Yes, of course it worked.

423
00:22:57,860 --> 00:22:59,400
Stupid old twit, Uncle Percy.

424
00:23:00,340 --> 00:23:03,650
Well, I'm glad we kept the pigeon
because you've got a pretty face.

425
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:05,440
What kind of pigeon is it?

426
00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:07,110
I don't know.

427
00:23:07,780 --> 00:23:09,980
Sid, what kind of pigeon is it? I've no
idea.

428
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:17,389
Well, perhaps he was one of the ones
that used to carry messages during the

429
00:23:17,390 --> 00:23:19,719
Perhaps there's a message on this one.

430
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,340
It's a bit late. It nearly was over.

431
00:23:23,380 --> 00:23:24,500
Well, have a look at it.

432
00:23:27,260 --> 00:23:28,310
What does it say?

433
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:29,550
Hang on.

434
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:31,680
It's a message from Uncle Percy.

435
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,890
Well, what does it say? Well, hang on a
minute. It's very small. Just a minute.

436
00:23:35,980 --> 00:23:41,560
Dear Sidney, the kangaroo is a treasure
trove, and if you've got the guts...

437
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,470
you'll find another thousand pounds
where the monkey stuffs its nuts.

438
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:55,530
I want the police.

439
00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:57,270
We'll find her.

440
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,400
Police, I want to report a robbery.

441
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:01,520
Yeah, a kangaroo and a monkey.

442
00:24:02,540 --> 00:24:03,590
Thank you.

443
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,300
No, no, he'll have no hair and black
choppers.

444
00:24:06,740 --> 00:24:07,790
No, no, no.

445
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,590
No, not the monkey, the fella. The bloke
who took him.

446
00:24:10,820 --> 00:24:13,380
Yeah. So, there's a curse on them, yeah.

447
00:24:14,060 --> 00:24:16,110
But it would come down. Tell me, come
here.

448
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:21,570
Oh, there.

449
00:24:21,571 --> 00:24:22,919
Got it.

450
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,960
You see my picture screwed away? Hey!

451
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:32,339
I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. I don't
know what you're here for. I

452
00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:35,100
don't know what you're here for.

453
00:24:35,101 --> 00:24:36,789
Stop it.

454
00:24:36,790 --> 00:24:41,340
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